Lord, You Rescued Us Again

faith-black-white.jpg.0831a0dae322badf03d4927543f7ebda.jpg

 

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” – 1 John 4:10

 

Lord, you did it again.  

You rescued us.  You helped us.  You were good to us again.

We cursed you and yet you blessed us.  We bit your hand but you fed us still.  We blasphemed you even as you intervened on our behalf…and yet you intervened still.  

Lord, we do not deserve you.  Your love is too great for us.  It’s greater than we know.  We ask for grace, then reject it when you give it.  No Lord, we do not deserve you.

Your knowledge is far beyond ours, and yet we judge you as though we knew you.  Your understanding is limitless, and yet we curse you as though you were foolish.  You rescue us from enemies we can’t even see yet we blame you for our troubles still.  

Oh Lord, we are a foolish people.  We are arrogant, prideful, entitled, judgmental, and ignorant.  We say we trust you and then we curse the gifts you give. 

And yet, you love us still.  You bless us still.  You help us still.  You rescue us still.  We didn’t deserve this rescue.  We don’t deserve this love.  But I am so grateful, Lord.  So grateful.

You are so good and we are so faithless.  Let us repent and seek your face.  Let us drop our prideful hearts, give up our haughty spirits, and submit again to your sovereign love.  Let us thank you for our gifts.  Please open our eyes in the places we cannot see them.  Let us give praise for your intervention, and rejoice that you are not a man but a God who’s love does not depend on our faith.  Your love depends on your faithfulness, which is perfect beyond measure.  May we never doubt it again.

Thank you, Lord.  Amen.

 

Advertisements

A Diamond, Perhaps

diamondintherough


When it comes to faith, the Grand Canyon feels like a smaller rift than that which separates what I know to be true from the emotional realities I experience every day.  One is no less true than the other, but neither do they agree.

In my life, faith has felt a lot more like hauntings than tangible realities.  It has seemed more of an unseen and entirely intangible truth.  However, a truth none the less.  And actually, sometimes the hauntings feel far more real than anything else I feel or even experience firsthand.  Sometimes misunderstood, unnerving, inexplicable, and maybe even frightening…yes.  On one hand, they’re easier to deny than material things I touch and feel, and yet, harder… because, like hauntings, they never allow me rest.  Always gnawing on my insides and in the back of my mind, demanding attention as though constantly whispering (which sometimes sounds like screaming) in my ears.

“Okay, okay…” I say to myself.  “What are you trying to say?” and I turn to face the whispers.  But as I face them, they stop speaking.  “What do you want??” I demand.

…they flee…

Apparently, faith doesn’t respond well to the insolent and angry demands of those it provokes.

And I do suppose that makes sense.  Actually, it supports everything I know to be true about faith, but it’s no less frustrating.  I’m a foot stompin’, hands on hips, give-me-the-answers-right-this-minute kinda gal.  Faith does not work that way.  No wonder we are so often at odds.

People have often told me they’re shocked to learn how strong my faith is.  “You’re just so….logical” they say, as though that somehow negates the capacity to believe.  Yes, I’m logical…and that’s a large reason why I believe the things I do.  What I believe makes far more logical and rational sense than any other explanation or theory in existence.  It has more scientific support as well.  It’s not a difficult leap at all, as long as you have the information of course.  If you’re ignorant, or have false information, or have petty emotions standing in the way of rational thought, faith may be more difficult for you.  But for me, it is quite simple.

Simple, but not easy.  Faith isn’t even easy for those who already believe, so I’d assume it’s downright impossible for those who don’t.  It is tested at every turn, pressed in on every side, and it seems as though the universe is intent on taking all faith and pushing a person beyond the breaking point, just to see if it remains.  I will not lie and say I’ve never been driven to despair of my faith and of my God.  I have…many, many times over.  And yet…the dust and ashes of what I’ve believed get pressed together in such a way as to create a whole new substance.  A purer substance.  A simpler substance.  A substance I never had before.  A diamond, perhaps.