A Rebuke From The Lord

‘ My son, do not despise the Lord ‘s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves…’  -Proverbs 3:11-12

It’s a struggle I’ve had as long as I can remember.  It began at birth, being born to a narcissist and a borderline/narcissist who would psychologically and emotionally annihilate anyone and anything that disagreed with them.  Unfortunately (for them), I was born with a spirit and a will inextricably tied to the truth.  I was, without a doubt, a thorn in their side and they made me their favorite punching bag.  Without conscience or remorse, they systematically worked to condition me to speak and portray only the things they wanted to hear/see, that matched their delusional self-images, or their “version” of truth, and the things that “felt good” to them regardless of truth or reality.  Abuse, shame, humiliation, guilt manipulation, and abandonment were their favorite tools, which they would use in succession each time I stepped out of line (the line being the song and dance to please them) until I was in so much pain and suffering I had no other option than to apologize for the “sin” of being who I was and return to the song and dance version of reality.

While the Lord has delivered me from their horrific abuse and brought me out of that Egypt, I am still learning how to shake off the shame, guilt, and fear that is now attached to the very nature that God gave me.  My parents and all the following psychopaths who abused me were not able to break my connection to the truth (sorry, Satan).  But they did attach so much fear, anxiety, and shame to it that I generally bury it down deep and don’t let it out, which Satan is just as happy with.

Which isn’t to say I tell lies.  It just means that even when God tells me to speak and His words are burning within my soul, there is now a flood of guilt, shame, and fear that keeps it in, triggering the song and dance.

Last night I had a long discussion with a friend.  As good as it was, I woke up this morning with the Lord tugging on my heart and I could tell He wasn’t happy and wanted me to look at something.  There was a part of the discussion that touched on this issue that the Lord wanted to address.  He began to speak to me in the way he always does.  As He says in Isaiah….”Come, let us reason together.”  He began with a line of questions, which is His usual manner of beginning a conversation which inevitably leads to deep revelation.

 

The Lord:  “Who did I create you to be?”

Me:  “A truth-teller with the gift of prophecy, Lord”

The Lord: “And who do I call you to follow?”

Me:  “You, Lord”

The Lord:  “And who’s words did I call you to speak?”

Me:  “Yours, Lord.”

The Lord:  “And if I make a hammer, should you turn it into a spade?”

Me:  (The realization of His implication here startled me and took me back some.)

The Lord:  “Do you think you are smarter than me?”

Me:  “Ummm, well no, Lord.  But disobeying you and hiding the person you made me to be is a way of saying I think I know better than you…yes.”

The Lord:  “Yes.  Now tell me, if I give you a good seed and tell you to plant it, and you plant it just as I say, but the ground spits it up…where does the problem lie?”

Me:  “The ground, Lord.  I cannot control the ground.”

The Lord:  “If I give you a good seed and tell you to plant it, but you change the seed, and it does not produce the fruit I intended…where does the problem lie?”

Me:  “With me, Lord.  I would be responsible.”

The Lord:  “So it is.  Do you trust the words I give you, do you trust ME, that who I made you to be is exactly and precisely meant to bring about the fruit I intend in the world?  If I wanted you to be a spade, I would have made you a spade.  But I already have spades and I need a hammer.  So to change or diminish that in any way is not just an affront to me but will also make you accountable for my will not being done on this earth as I intend..and that is a very serious violation.”  (The realization of the seriousness of this offense is sinking in).

Me:  “Yes Lord, but I am afraid.  I don’t want to hurt, offend, or deny you no matter what, I don’t care who else is hurt or offended by it, you know this is my true heart.”

The Lord:  “The fire has not left you but neither has the fear that continues to quench it.  I cannot use you if you are not being who I made you to be.  For too long you have lessened yourself to fit the opinions of this world and to the preferences of other people.   But I did not create you for this.  I created you to be a container for myself, and you cannot submit to me AND to others who would change  or lessen you from what I created.  If you do not submit to me then you will never be on the path I’ve called you to walk.”

At this point, I can do nothing but allow His words to sink into my being.  To repent of all the years I spent denying the very person He made and putting away the “reasons” and excuses as to why.  To repent of bowing down to the fear, shame, or guilt in not being who others find to be “palatable” and to stop apologizing for operating as He has created me to operate.  To stop allowing the world to define the “right way” to be and start living into how God created me to be.  I know it will be a journey and it’s not something that will immediately change overnight.  But grace is only offered on ONE of those paths.  So I now understand the direction I must go and become a single-minded woman, that I may be stable in all my ways as the scripture says.

Lord, I am sorry for my disobedience to you and to the person you made me to be.  Let it be said that I walked the path you laid for me and became exactly who you intended me to be.

‘”If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. ‘ John 15:18-19

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Dream: Alien Troops

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Last night I dreamed I was in a small town and standing outside with a group of people.  I looked up into the sky and I saw what looked like a guy flying around in some kind of contraption.  As he flew, he’d suddenly shoot up into the sky, disappear, then immediately reappear connected to another flyer.  This happened a few times until suddenly there were about four or five strung together.  Then, all within a second, they all disappeared, reappeared with a UFO looking craft, and then they were all standing in front of us on the ground.  They moved at such a speed it appeared like they just disappeared and instantly reappeared somewhere else.

Before I could process what just happened, one of them was standing right in front of me.  He was humanoid, but definitely not human.  He was wearing a uniform, but not one I recognized.  He moved and spoke with authority so I knew he was high ranking…whatever he was.

They were speaking to everyone and commanding us to do things, though I don’t remember exactly what.  It was like mind control though because it wasn’t all in English.  I focused really hard on keeping control of myself and started repeating “Jesus, Jesus” in my head.  The things tried harder to speak to me but then I started whispering Jesus’ name out loud.  I started moving the opposite direction from where they wanted me to go, trying to figure out an escape.  I assumed they’d punish me for doing the opposite of what they wanted, but as I said Jesus’ name it seemed like they didn’t notice.  Either they didn’t notice me or they couldn’t do anything about it – I’m not sure which.

Suddenly a woman came up to me asking me lots of questions and saying she wanted to pray for me.  She looked ragged, but she was clearly not one of them and she wasn’t under their control either.  I still didn’t know if I could trust her so I didn’t really say much.

I started heading for the woods, but was caught and put inside a gas chamber.  I don’t think the “things” knew I was escaping, they just swept me up with a group of people and threw me in there.  While it seemed everything was lost, I somehow knew it wasn’t and wasn’t afraid.  I bent down and curled up and let the shower hit my back.  It only took a little bit to realize it wasn’t having any effect.  I looked up and saw the tree line behind the chamber and started moving towards it.

That’s when I woke up.

 

Redefining Normal

We can’t properly understand what is abnormal until we understand what is normal, and just because something is common does not mean it is normal. Contrary to popular belief, normal isn’t what most people do.  It isn’t what is common.  Normal is the way God created things to be and thus how they function properly- not what they are given the influence of Satan and fallen man, which corrupts. Normal is the original intended purpose of a thing, or the standard by which all else is compared.  And abnormal is the degree to which we vary from that. Normal is what we should all be striving to get back to.  In short, we need to view normal the way that God views it, not the way fallen man views it.
It is common for man(kind) to be arrogant and proud. It is common for man to be rebellious and selfish. It is common for man to sin and reject God. But none of this is normal. None of this is the way it was intended to be.  None of this is the standard to which we should strive.  All of this is far from what God intended at creation or intends for us now.
I am so angry and tired of people who normalize sin, apathy, abuse, lukewarmness, worldliness, idol worship (In America that looks like the worship of sports, celebrities, money, status, etc.) and all the other things clearly laid out in scripture as not of God.  And I don’t care if the whole world decides something is “okay” just because “everyone does it” and it’s therefore “normal.”  I don’t care if every professor, government official, and psychologist in the world says something is “okay” or “normal”.  If it falls short of what God originally intended then it is NOT okay.  It is NOT normal.  It is NOT the standard.
And while we all fall short of God’s standard, that does not mean we get to lower the bar or change it to our liking.  I’m not trying to be dogmatic or lacking in grace.  I’m simply trying to express that God doesn’t change His standards just because we fail to meet them.
The bar is already set. God says “Be ye perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt. 5:48).  This has been and will always be the desire of God.  When we face God’s throne, we aren’t going to be judged based on the average level of sin per person.  We aren’t going to be weighed in the balance compared to our neighbor.  We’re going to be weighed on one side while Jesus – ultimate perfection – is on the other side.  We’re going to be judged and compared to perfection and held accountable for anything and everything that falls short of that.
God is going to point at Jesus and say “this was the standard set for you, this is my normal”.  And we will clearly see all the ways we fall short, except this time, we’ll have no more excuses and what government or society deemed “okay” will no longer matter.  We will be judged in comparison to Jesus’ perfect example and whether or not we lived up to that, not the hellish standards of fallen man.
Those who live in perpetual awareness of the difference between our lives and Christ’s also live in perpetual awareness of our lack – our depravity – our impossible state.  They’re the ones who continually cry out “Abba Father, forgive me a sinner unclean.”  They’re the ones who both know and desperately cling to our High Priest and perfect sacrifice, Yeshua.  Because we know that it is only by His blood and His works that we are saved from God’s judgement and wrath.  Oh, how deeply our souls know our own depravity.  How painfully aware we are of our need for Him.
It’s when we start normalizing the sin which is common to man that we stop seeing and feeling our need for Yeshua and start thinking we’re “okay” simply because we’re common.  Let us never fall into the trap of thinking that God has lowered His standard of perfection just because we decided it didn’t matter and thus began our slippery slope away from Him.
Yes, oh yes, how deeply we need to redefine normal.  How much we need to see the gulf between us and Him, so that we may know that it was never because of our works that we were saved, but only because of the perfect work and blood of Christ that we have been saved from wrath.  How unworthy we are, and how worthy He is.  Glory be to God for His love.  For He truly is the author and finisher of our faith.

Prophetic Word: “Ophelia”


I woke up last Thursday (October 5th) with one word screaming in my mind.  The word was “Ophelia.”  I had no idea what it meant, but when I got to work the Holy Spirit led me to write it down, so I jotted it down with this note.

Today I saw that there is a new storm forming in the Atlantic.  What did they name it?  That’s right…Ophelia.  It’s the 15th storm of the season.

I looked up the meaning of the name Ophelia, and apparently it means “help.”

I’m not sure what all this means, other than that God told me the name of this hurricane five days before it formed.

As you can see, my rhema for that day was Isaiah 24.  I’d forgotten what it said so today I looked it up.  Now I’m trembling

Isaiah 24:

“Behold, the Lord will empty the earth and make it desolate, and he will twist its surface and scatter its inhabitants. And it shall be, as with the people, so with the priest; as with the slave, so with his master; as with the maid, so with her mistress; as with the buyer, so with the seller; as with the lender, so with the borrower; as with the creditor, so with the debtor. The earth shall be utterly empty and utterly plundered; for the Lord has spoken this word. The earth mourns and withers; the world languishes and withers; the highest people of the earth languish. The earth lies defiled under its inhabitants; for they have transgressed the laws, violated the statutes, broken the everlasting covenant. Therefore a curse devours the earth, and its inhabitants suffer for their guilt; therefore the inhabitants of the earth are scorched, and few men are left. The wine mourns, the vine languishes, all the merry-hearted sigh. The mirth of the tambourines is stilled, the noise of the jubilant has ceased, the mirth of the lyre is stilled. No more do they drink wine with singing; strong drink is bitter to those who drink it. The wasted city is broken down; every house is shut up so that none can enter. There is an outcry in the streets for lack of wine; all joy has grown dark; the gladness of the earth is banished. Desolation is left in the city; the gates are battered into ruins. For thus it shall be in the midst of the earth among the nations, as when an olive tree is beaten, as at the gleaning when the grape harvest is done. They lift up their voices, they sing for joy; over the majesty of the Lord they shout from the west. Therefore in the east give glory to the Lord; in the coastlands of the sea, give glory to the name of the Lord, the God of Israel. From the ends of the earth we hear songs of praise, of glory to the Righteous One. But I say, “I waste away, I waste away. Woe is me! For the traitors have betrayed, with betrayal the traitors have betrayed.” Terror and the pit and the snare are upon you, O inhabitant of the earth! He who flees at the sound of the terror shall fall into the pit, and he who climbs out of the pit shall be caught in the snare. For the windows of heaven are opened, and the foundations of the earth tremble. The earth is utterly broken, the earth is split apart, the earth is violently shaken. The earth staggers like a drunken man; it sways like a hut; its transgression lies heavy upon it, and it falls, and will not rise again. On that day the Lord will punish the host of heaven, in heaven, and the kings of the earth, on the earth. They will be gathered together as prisoners in a pit; they will be shut up in a prison, and after many days they will be punished. Then the moon will be confounded and the sun ashamed, for the Lord of hosts reigns on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem, and his glory will be before his elders.”

 

Dearest friends, God is speaking to us.  I pray we all have the ears to hear.  And if anyone of you has an idea of what this may mean, please feel free to reach out.  God bless.

 

The War Drums Beat


On Sunday morning, I arrived early for an appointment and stopped at a local park to drink some coffee and wait.  This is what I saw.  Immediately I recognized this scene from the last dream I had (see Dream Of Martial Law).  This is almost exactly what I saw in my dream, except in my dream the moon was much closer and bigger.

I sat here praying.  Praying for God’s Spirit to move upon His people to bring them closer to him and to protect them.  Praying for God’s Spirit to move and convict the lost and bring them into the fold of His protection.  Praying for my own heart and soul.

The last two days have felt very heavy in the Spirit.  A seriousness and solemness along with a sense of alertness.  The Spirit has been convicting me of sin in deeper ways and bringing my own heart into a deeper sense of repentance.  The urgency feels tangible.  The heat of the Spiritual battles going on right now are intense.

I pray that all those who are marked by Christ be found safely in the shadow of His wings.  I pray that all those who are lost will run full-speed into that safety…before the Spiritual battle reveals itself in the physical…because it’s close.  So close that if you put your ear to the ground, you can hear the war drums beat.

The Black Horse Dream

I had a few dreams last night, but I only remember this one.


I was sitting inside a glass house with friends.  It was dark outside.  We all knew we were in the beginnings of the times of judgement.  We knew we were in the White Horse time period, but we were still somewhat complacent.  Nothing really bad had happened yet so we had no emotional sense of urgency about anything.   Perhaps we were a little more awake than normal but we weren’t afraid.

Suddenly, there was a whirlwind of black smoke and out of the whirlwind came galloping a black horse.  In the dream I was aware of the different horses in Revelation but I was confused because I knew the red horse is after white.  The black is supposed to come after the red so I was looking to see if it was really black.  I confirmed it was definitely black (the color black does symbolize death and destruction but it was out of order).  I was confused because of the switch in colors and didn’t understand what was going on.

We were immediately overcome by the smoke and horse and we had no time to escape or hide.  Everyone was scrambling and I immediately fell to my knees praying that God would seal me and hide me from this horse judgement and protect me from it all.  I knew that God would protect me if I was sealed by Him.  I wasn’t sure why the colors were out of order, but I knew I needed to pray that I be marked and sealed for protection.

I knelt and prayed, then I woke up.