At first I didn’t have a clue what happened. It just felt like bulldozers upheaving my soul – clearly now a construction zone – picking up dirt from one spot and dumping it into another, uprooting the soil to such a degree that everything on my inside suddenly feels like it wants to be on the outside. My only assumption is my soul’s Construction Manager is preparing to build something new and is first getting the land ready (He doesn’t miss a step, that one). In fact, when asking Holy Spirit “what is happening to me right now??”, that’s the vision I received. While I’m deeply grateful for the understanding, which eases some of the pain of confusion, that doesn’t exactly make the process a pleasant one…
I have to admit, I don’t love the fact I wasn’t warned of this in advance. It’s true I would have appreciated some warning, but I can also see why He didn’t bother to let me know. Given any forewarning, I would have immediately, and not even necessarily consciously, made sure to block off certain areas from His reach before His arrival. But since this bulldozing seemed to have happened overnight…or at least while I had my attention diverted elsewhere…it hit all the sensitive, guarded, and hidden places first. ((Dang it!)) . And while my flesh is deeply offended and hurt by this…my spirit reminds me it simply has to be this way if the work is going to get done at all…much less the right way. And, I admit, I did give Him permission to override my will with His a long time ago. So I suppose I’m in no position to argue…
There used to be a whole city, it seems, on the same land now being leveled. It’s taken years for every building and house to be razed to the ground. Even longer for all the rubble to be cleared. (The construction project that is ‘me’ is a very…very long one). But the land has been settled for awhile now and the last thing I was expecting was the feel of sharp bulldozer teeth digging into the most sensitive and highly guarded areas. But it seems there were some unpleasant items buried underneath the soil that needed dug up and cleared away before any new building could begin. And by ‘buried underneath’ I mean buried way….way underneath. Because these cuts go deep…
At the end of the day, though, I can’t be angry. God has given me blueprints to what He wants to do in my life. Those blueprints, by the way, were one of the things I buried so far underneath the ground I totally forgot they existed. But in His mercy He dug them up first and showed them to me again…and my heart remembers. Though they were hidden deep in my soul, I know His promises are true and I know that no matter how painful it is, this is a necessary step in the building of His original and perfect plan. He’s a brilliant architect and I trust Him fully with all my heart – even if I am sometimes surprised and shaken up in the process. Even when I sometimes forget.
So right now, me and God, we’re on a clean-up mission. After all, before you can build a house, you’ve got to build a foundation. And before you can build a foundation, you have the make sure the land underneath is good. So we’re going to clean up the land first, then when God decides it’s time – the foundation will get poured. And then….the house will be built.
I just hope it’s a farm with lots of kids and animals.
Braveruth 